Secret Gate
by MobMentality
Summary: Naruto is amazed at how Jiraiya is constantly beaten up by the women of Konoha, and decides to find out how they do it.  Oneshot Crackfic


After a very brief flash of inspiration, I finally sat down and wrote a story. I spent all of an hour writing it, and then I had to spend another hour figuring out how to post the damn thing. Sometimes this site can be a pain in the ass.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, I sure as hell wouldn't need to amuse myself by writing this stuff.

* * *

Naruto paused in his training session as a familiar cry of pain was heard throughout Konoha. While such a sound would normally be cause for concern and alarm, Naruto recognized the pitiful screams, and was well aware that their source had it coming to him. Jiraiya had obviously been caught peeping in the women's onsen again, and this was confirmed by the faint pleas of "Not the jewels!"

It never ceased to amaze Naruto how his sensei, who while a shameless pervert, was still one of the strongest shinobi in the world, could continuously get beaten within an inch of his life by groups of women, kunoichi and civilian alike. It really made no sense. Actually, now that Naruto thought about it, stuff like that seemed to happen with surprising regularity.

Over the course of their three year trip, Naruto had been privy to countless instances of such phenomena occurring when his sensei did something to offend women in their company, who would then proceed to demonstrate absurd strength in exacting vengeance on the old hermit.

Naruto even had his own share of such experiences, most involving Sakura. While the source of Sakura's insane strength could now be easily explained as a result of her training under Tsunade, most of the occurrences had taken place before Sakura had started taking life as a ninja seriously, back when Sasuke was still a member of Team Seven.

Confronted with this unexplained trend, Naruto's own insatiable curiosity would not allow him to let it slide. He had to find out the source of this strength, and he had the perfect idea of how to do so.

* * *

"I still don't think this is very wise." Stated a rather apprehensive-looking Hyuuga Neji, who was currently walking beside an excited Uzumaki Naruto.

The white-eyed jounin had good reason to be nervous – the thing that Naruto was suggesting they do, while intriguing, could prove very hazardous to their health.

The Hyuuga broke into a slow jog as he tried to keep pace with his hyperactive friend's quickening gait. "What are you so worried about Neji? We'll only we watching the pervert, we won't be doing any peeping ourselves."

"Still, if we are discovered, the women might not believe our explanation, and a Hyuuga being caught peeping at a hot spring would be very harmful to my clan's reputation."

"But it's worth the risk! We could be on the verge of discovering an entirely new source of power for shinobi!" Naruto had begun speaking very loudly, and people around them were starting to look at them curiously. Furiously making shushing motions at his blond friend, Neji continued to try and dissuade him from his choice of action.

"But couldn't we simply examine Tenten instead? She often displays such violent outbursts when Lee is being particularly irritating." _Which is almost all the time_, he thought wistfully.

"No, that would only give us one test case, the best way to do it is with multiple women at the same time!" cried Naruto enthusiastically. Neji gave him a very odd look, before deciding that Naruto was oblivious to the double meaning of what he just said, and that it would useless to argue with him at this point. He would simply have to accompany him, and pray that they didn't get caught. The idea of Hiashi or Hinata finding out he had peeped – even if it wasn't true – sent shivers down his spine.

* * *

They eventually neared the hot springs, and Jiraiya's cries of pain could be heard quite clearly by this point.

Taking care to remain concealed from any enraged women that might see them, they snuck around to the rear wall of the women's onsen, where the screams originated. Sure enough, the form of Jiraiya could be seen, curled up into the fetal position, as numerous women fought to get near him.

Activating his Byakugan, Neji had to fight back a violent nosebleed, as the towels wrapped around the women became completely transparent. Luckily, he had become somewhat desensitized to this over the years, and so he was able to refocus on his given task, and began to carefully examine the flow of their chakra.

After Naruto had initially explained to Neji the nature of what he was curious about, he had gone on to say that he thought the women might actually be performing some sort of unconscious technique, and that Neji might be able to perceive such a thing with his kekkai genkai.

As Neji continued to scrutinize the women present in the clearing, he suddenly noticed an anomaly in each of the women's chakra coils. An abnormal amount of chakra seemed to be coming from a certain point on each women's body, specifically from their lower stomachs.

Neji couldn't help but feel he had seen this type of chakra-flow before, and he quickly realized where: it looked almost exactly like when his teammates Gai and Lee would open their celestial gates, though the chakra emanated from a different location.

Deactivating his Byakugan, Neji leaned over to Naruto and whispered, "It appears as though each woman is drawing upon some sort of well of chakra from within their bodies. It almost looks like they have all instinctively opened some sort of ninth celestial gate!"

Unfortunately, this moment of blinding insight caused Naruto to temporarily forget that he was currently keeping himself hidden, and before Neji could stop him he let out a triumphant "Eureka!"

Neji stared at Naruto, momentarily shocked that Naruto even knew what a word like eureka meant, before he realized what Naruto had just done. Together, he and Naruto slowly turned to look at the group of women who had, until now, been gleefully pounding away at an extremely mangled Jiraiya. They had now paused in their task, and were staring at the boys with momentary looks of surprise that were quickly shifting to anger.

Neji fearfully noted that his cousin Hinata was present amongst the group, and she was looking very different from her usual cheerful and timid self. Neji allowed a small whimper to escape his lips, while Naruto quickly tried to explain the reason they were there and that they were innocent of any wrongdoing.

As Neji had predicted, the women did not listen to them, and instead were slowly advancing upon the quivering duo. Knowing that resistance was futile, Naruto and Neji accepted their fate, though Neji obviously had a somewhat easier time doing so than Naruto.

* * *

When the both of them woke up in the hospital the next day, neither could remember what had happened, as both were suffering from mild amnesia due to the extensive trauma they had endured.

Thus, the world never learned of their great discovery, and Neji was forced to endure several painful sparring matches with Hinata, each of which resulted in rather embarrassing injuries to his lower body. Naruto, meanwhile, had to listen to a tearful Jiraiya exclaim that he had always known he would rub off on Naruto eventually.

* * *

AN: I was sitting at my computer when I started wondering about how women somehow become super-powered when dealing with perverts, so I decided to write this as an attempt at an explanation. Now all I have to do is figure out how the guys bounce back from such beatings. Feel free to review, be it praise or criticism. I am considering starting an epic-length Naruto story, and it would be good to know what other people think of my writing, and how I can improve.

P.S. Did anyone catch the second innuendo of the story? It was somewhat more subtle than the first.


End file.
